Episode Transcript
[0:00:20 – 0:00:22] Adam: That’s how the bolognese is made.
[0:00:22 – 0:00:23] Erik: That’s a gabagool.
[0:00:23 – 0:00:26] Adam: That’s a caprese.
[0:00:26 – 0:00:27] Adam: That’s how you make a basil.
[0:00:27 – 0:00:29] Erik: You’ve both just been cancelled.
[0:00:31 – 0:00:35] Erik: Welcome to the middle of fucking nowhere.
[0:00:35 – 0:00:36] Erik: Where?
[0:00:36 – 0:00:36] Erik: Where?
[0:00:36 – 0:00:37] Adam: Where?
[0:00:37 – 0:00:39] Adam: We’re here.
[0:00:39 – 0:00:41] Erik: I feel like a golden god right now.
[0:00:42 – 0:00:44] Adam: Yep, we are a golden god, sir.
[0:00:44 – 0:00:49] Erik: Just pumped a bunch of baking in the sun
[0:00:50 – 0:00:56] Erik: Gabagool treats slathered in balsamic reduction.
[0:00:56 – 0:00:57] Erik: More fresh basil.
[0:00:58 – 0:00:59] Erik: More cherry tomatoes.
[0:00:59 – 0:01:00] Adam: It’s a snack track.
[0:01:00 – 0:01:02] Erik: It’s a snack track, baby.
[0:01:02 – 0:01:07] Erik: This is episode one of our new side project, Snack Tracks.
[0:01:07 – 0:01:08] Erik: How many X’s?
[0:01:09 – 0:01:33] Adam: three i was gonna say two everybody goes one or three nobody ever does two two x’s two x’s yeah we’re gonna spell snack like an x in snack and a x in track i don’t like snacks with an x that’s like a frito-lay shit uh you could just do two x’s in both for a total of four total of four yep that sounds and when you want to go explore the x’s you need should number four
[0:01:34 – 0:01:41] Adam: There’s a little fucking Snack Tracks wisdom for you, and this is an explicit episode 001 of Snack Tracks.
[0:01:41 – 0:01:44] Adam: You’ve got to crack it off like that at the end.
[0:01:44 – 0:01:46] Adam: You’ve got to, like, I don’t know, feel it right here.
[0:01:46 – 0:01:47] Adam: I’m tapping them in the chest.
[0:01:47 – 0:01:49] Adam: You’ve got to feel it in the chest.
[0:01:49 – 0:01:50] Adam: Snack Tracks.
[0:01:51 – 0:01:52] Erik: Yeah, we’re…
[0:01:52 – 0:01:54] Erik: This guy had too much cheese, man.
[0:01:54 – 0:01:56] Erik: We had an 18-year cheddar.
[0:01:56 – 0:01:57] Adam: Maybe even 19-year.
[0:01:58 – 0:02:02] Erik: At this point, we’ve added another year on, whether it likes it or not.
[0:02:03 – 0:02:07] Erik: 18-year cheddar, nice and warm crystals in there.
[0:02:07 – 0:02:09] Adam: Yeah, it was a nice hot cheddar.
[0:02:10 – 0:02:13] Erik: Blowing a lung dart right now, a Canadian dart.
[0:02:14 – 0:02:15] Erik: Feels good to be alive, my man.
[0:02:15 – 0:02:25] Adam: This is what it’s all about, being out here at the halfway point of probably the longest portage either of us have done, aside from, you know, the big one.
[0:02:26 – 0:02:26] Erik: The grand.
[0:02:26 – 0:02:30] Adam: That one is probably longer by a couple meters.
[0:02:30 – 0:02:31] Adam: A couple miles.
[0:02:32 – 0:02:37] Adam: We do have the Strava running on this snack track, and we’re currently standing here.
[0:02:38 – 0:02:41] Adam: I like about that, though, is it does record your moving speed average.
[0:02:41 – 0:02:43] Adam: So, like, it’s not counting right now against us.
[0:02:44 – 0:02:44] Erik: Right.
[0:02:44 – 0:02:51] Adam: And we’re moving about two miles an hour on this portage, which I don’t know if anybody out there is listening tracks their speed on portage.
[0:02:51 – 0:02:53] Adam: But I feel like that’s pretty good.
[0:02:53 – 0:02:55] Adam: We’re moving at a reasonable pace.
[0:02:56 – 0:03:02] Adam: And this trail is, as advertised, just long, mostly flat, a lot of mud, a lot of weird sticks.
[0:03:02 – 0:03:09] Adam: But I like the feature that we saw there, the corduroy road, where they stack the logs sideways for you.
[0:03:09 – 0:03:10] Erik: That’s the way to do it.
[0:03:10 – 0:03:19] Erik: I know it’s a lot easier, trail, portage, maintenance, cruise, if you’re listening, to just do the long going with the trail log.
[0:03:19 – 0:03:20] Erik: Those never help.
[0:03:21 – 0:03:44] Adam: ever I’d rather walk through mud I almost yeah I almost like snapped my tracks right off the snack tracks trying to get across a few of those I did hit a roller or two too but the only time I really hit my butt on the turf was trying to get across the river on the first run I slid right down that mud over there and took a seat but I managed to land on the dry stuff
[0:03:44 – 0:03:46] Erik: Yeah, a mild fjording.
[0:03:47 – 0:03:48] Erik: It’s just a fording, right?
[0:03:48 – 0:03:49] Erik: It’s not fjord.
[0:03:49 – 0:03:50] Erik: Caprizi!
[0:03:50 – 0:03:51] Adam: Gourlami.
[0:03:55 – 0:03:56] Adam: You poor lamby.
[0:03:56 – 0:04:00] Erik: This river is, yeah, you can pretty much walk across it.
[0:04:00 – 0:04:10] Erik: We had heard, unless we’re in for a real dumbfounding turn of events here, that we are not actually crossing the Cache River right now.
[0:04:11 – 0:04:12] Erik: And we’re just in some back channel.
[0:04:13 – 0:04:15] Erik: But, yeah, you can pretty much walk across it.
[0:04:15 – 0:04:17] Erik: Seems pretty low for this time of year.
[0:04:17 – 0:04:25] Adam: By all accounts, this is, like, where we are standing right now probably is usually underwater in May.
[0:04:25 – 0:04:34] Adam: Based on my reading, we don’t do a ton of, like, pre-research, but I did, I admit, go and, like, look into this portage specifically.
[0:04:34 – 0:04:38] Adam: At 3,200 meters, it’s kind of a big deal.
[0:04:38 – 0:04:39] Erik: Yeah.
[0:04:39 – 0:04:42] Adam: And I wanted to at least have some idea of what we’re getting ourselves into.
[0:04:42 – 0:04:42] Adam: I mean…
[0:04:43 – 0:04:45] Adam: but you never really know until you’re out here.
[0:04:45 – 0:04:50] Adam: So I, from everything I’ve read though, like you do have to get in the canoe to cross the cash river.
[0:04:51 – 0:04:52] Adam: Not the case right now.
[0:04:52 – 0:04:54] Adam: I honestly, if you threw the canoe in here, you could just like walk.
[0:04:54 – 0:04:56] Adam: It’s about the length of a min-2 across.
[0:04:57 – 0:04:57] Erik: Pretty much, yeah.
[0:04:57 – 0:05:01] Adam: Throw the canoe in, walk across the canoe, and then pull the boat out.
[0:05:01 – 0:05:04] Adam: Use it as a little floating bridge scenario here.
[0:05:04 – 0:05:06] Adam: We’ve got a pontoon going for us.
[0:05:06 – 0:05:09] Erik: You can definitely see the river being much higher, clearly.
[0:05:09 – 0:05:12] Adam: I think it usually goes up to these rocks over here.
[0:05:12 – 0:05:13] Adam: I don’t know.
[0:05:14 – 0:05:19] Adam: Maybe there’s a dam blowing out, or maybe it’s just so dry that there’s a fire ban on.
[0:05:19 – 0:05:30] Erik: And that there is one of the more incredible monoculture forests of tall, standing black spruce that we walked through to get here.
[0:05:30 – 0:05:32] Erik: And it also looks like we’re plunging into another one here.
[0:05:33 – 0:05:41] Erik: It’s like, I don’t know, could you imagine being in there on a cool, foggy, misty morning with layers in there and a bull moose is just crashing through?
[0:05:41 – 0:05:45] Erik: It just seems like Jim Brandenburg’s…
[0:05:46 – 0:05:58] Adam: awakening from his grave to come out here and take pictures my god it’s just gorgeous but night danger night danger i asked uh eric when we got here i was like do you think anybody’s ever had to do this portage in the dark
[0:06:00 – 0:06:04] Adam: It probably wouldn’t actually be all that bad, but I don’t know.
[0:06:04 – 0:06:05] Adam: That does sound scary.
[0:06:05 – 0:06:08] Erik: I would be very wary of the night danger.
[0:06:08 – 0:06:10] Adam: The charging bolt.
[0:06:10 – 0:06:15] Adam: Like jumping into a portal into the unknown dimension of spruce.
[0:06:16 – 0:06:17] Adam: It’s just a whole dimension.
[0:06:17 – 0:06:18] Adam: Everything is spruce.
[0:06:19 – 0:06:27] Erik: I don’t know if anybody’s ever portaged this in the dark, but a couple of guys have definitely eaten a couple of fancy Italian men out here on this lunch stop.
[0:06:27 – 0:06:30] Adam: We got the mustaches to prove it, too.
[0:06:30 – 0:06:31] Adam: Gabagool.
[0:06:31 – 0:06:32] Adam: Gabagool to you, too, sir.
[0:06:33 – 0:06:35] Adam: Did you talk about the balsamic reduction?
[0:06:35 – 0:06:36] Erik: I mentioned it.
[0:06:36 – 0:06:37] Erik: I didn’t really talk about it.
[0:06:37 – 0:06:38] Adam: Oh, my God.
[0:06:38 – 0:06:38] Adam: Heavenly.
[0:06:38 – 0:06:46] Adam: So, yeah, just like a fistful of basil with a little gabagool, two cherry tomatoes, and then a big slice of 19-year cheddar.
[0:06:47 – 0:06:51] Adam: And then a little squirt of the sauce.
[0:06:51 – 0:06:52] Adam: Or a big squirt.
[0:06:52 – 0:06:55] Adam: I was like, give me two squirts, please.
[0:06:55 – 0:07:00] Erik: You do need an auxiliary Ziploc for those if you’re going to get the Alessi brand balsamic reduction.
[0:07:00 – 0:07:03] Adam: Don’t touch this unless you want to be sticky.
[0:07:03 – 0:07:07] Adam: I’m like, maybe I do want to be sticky for another 400-rod portage that’s yet to come.
[0:07:07 – 0:07:13] Erik: I think if anybody has ever purchased one of those, you know, like, even standing up in your refrigerator, you go to grab it.
[0:07:13 – 0:07:16] Erik: It’s like, why is there a ring of sticky balsamic vinegar?
[0:07:16 – 0:07:17] Erik: This thing’s been standing up.
[0:07:17 – 0:07:22] Erik: How is it, like, osmosising out the sticky juices when it’s standing upright?
[0:07:23 – 0:07:26] Erik: And, God forbid, like, out here when it’s sideways getting jostled in a pack.
[0:07:26 – 0:07:31] Erik: Like, if I wouldn’t have put that in a Ziploc right away, that whole pack would just be balsamic-ed.
[0:07:32 – 0:07:57] Adam: uh finally we should note also that we had a red breasted grosbeak oh yeah and it’s a good looking bird yeah what else do we end up with there’s something else weird on there wasn’t it what was the uh the little little guy oh uh ruby crown kinglet kinglet yes yeah we had i would have named you ruby crowned kinglet now i’m gonna have some stationery with that name sent to your address who the shit does ruby kinglet
[0:08:00 – 0:08:02] Adam: He flies for Air Kentucky.
[0:08:02 – 0:08:05] Adam: Does anybody pay attention to what’s happening around here?
[0:08:05 – 0:08:06] Adam: Landlocked, of course.
[0:08:06 – 0:08:07] Adam: Landlocked, sadly.
[0:08:10 – 0:08:14] Adam: I discovered a new fly in my holler, and I named it after you.
[0:08:14 – 0:08:16] Adam: He just throws it on the table.
[0:08:16 – 0:08:17] Adam: Zizou fly?
[0:08:17 – 0:08:18] Adam: Yeah, the Kentucky Zizou fly.
[0:08:18 – 0:08:19] Adam: What are you doing?
[0:08:19 – 0:08:20] Erik: He doesn’t know anything about wine.
[0:08:20 – 0:08:22] Adam: Give me that.
[0:08:23 – 0:08:23] Adam: Pass it over here.
[0:08:25 – 0:08:29] Adam: So we’re here on the Cache River, and Cache rules everything around us.
[0:08:30 – 0:08:32] Adam: We’re going to come up with some new episode ideas.
[0:08:33 – 0:08:37] Adam: As everybody knows, on Snack Tracks, our favorite form of poetry is Cache.
[0:08:38 – 0:08:40] Adam: And Cache is king.
[0:08:40 – 0:08:41] Erik: Cache is king.
[0:08:41 – 0:08:42] Erik: Cache me outside.
[0:08:42 – 0:08:42] Erik: How about that?
[0:08:42 – 0:08:43] Adam: Cache me outside.
[0:08:43 – 0:08:44] Adam: How about that?
[0:08:45 – 0:08:45] Erik: Cash money.
[0:08:46 – 0:08:52] Erik: I mean, we’re looking for any more responses for episode title, tumblelumpcasts at gmail.com.
[0:08:52 – 0:08:53] Adam: Hit us up live in the field.
[0:08:53 – 0:08:58] Adam: I’m going to fire up the satellite comms later when we get to our island of delights.
[0:08:59 – 0:09:00] UNKNOWN: Oh, man.
[0:09:00 – 0:09:03] Adam: It is officially afternoon, so my fishing license is kicked in.
[0:09:04 – 0:09:07] Adam: I have not actually taken a cast into the river, though.
[0:09:08 – 0:09:09] Adam: Cast into the cache.
[0:09:09 – 0:09:12] Erik: Six-inch deep muck stream.
[0:09:12 – 0:09:16] Adam: Looks really promising for creek chub in here, no doubt.
[0:09:16 – 0:09:27] Adam: Yeah, considering that we paddled up the Baptism Creek and then we just walked across the Cache River, I think maybe this should be still designated as a creek or even a brook up here.
[0:09:28 – 0:09:51] Erik: creek versus brook interesting uh conversation there that’s a different kind of reduction let me have a little sip this wine okay and uh how many calories of gabagool do we just consume i’m certainly we’re both running high deficits today i don’t know i don’t think it really matters we i think we went pretty lean yesterday honestly like what did we even eat yesterday
[0:09:52 – 0:09:54] Adam: Like literally all I ate was like a big bowl of basil.
[0:09:55 – 0:09:57] Adam: A huge bowl of green basil.
[0:09:57 – 0:09:58] Erik: And my own blood in my sleep.
[0:09:59 – 0:10:06] Erik: And some extra dried nacho cheese flex that you picked off the shoulder of your hoodie this morning.
[0:10:07 – 0:10:08] Adam: For later.
[0:10:08 – 0:10:12] Adam: Those were like primo and probably that was all our calorie needs for the entire day.
[0:10:12 – 0:10:13] Adam: You got any more of those?
[0:10:14 – 0:10:14] Erik: I don’t.
[0:10:14 – 0:10:16] Erik: Unfortunately, it was just the one bag.
[0:10:16 – 0:10:17] Adam: Damn, buddy.
[0:10:18 – 0:10:18] Erik: Yeah.
[0:10:19 – 0:10:22] Erik: The barrel of surprises rolls on, though.
[0:10:22 – 0:10:30] Erik: I did pull out a pack of, like, 20-inch meat sticks and slapped Adam in the face with it just as a quick little surprise.
[0:10:30 – 0:10:32] Erik: We did not get into those yet.
[0:10:32 – 0:10:33] Adam: Quetico.
[0:10:34 – 0:10:35] Adam: No.
[0:10:35 – 0:10:37] Adam: Got hit in the face with a meat.
[0:10:38 – 0:10:40] Adam: That’s a big meat.
[0:10:40 – 0:10:41] Adam: Eric tried to pull a sneaky.
[0:10:42 – 0:10:46] Adam: He was trying to be a sneaky on me, and he passed me a large nalgene of meat.
[0:10:47 – 0:11:05] Adam: clear tequila and tried to get me to chug it and suggested it was cool water but I wasn’t fooled by cool waters I’m not fooled by Dan the canoe and I’m not fooled at all but I did take a sip of the tequila for lunch also so that’s included in the snack track yeah it was out snacks tracks
[0:11:07 – 0:11:08] Adam: You can’t trust it.
[0:11:08 – 0:11:09] Adam: It’s got .com at the end.
[0:11:09 – 0:11:10] Adam: You cannot trust it.
[0:11:11 – 0:11:13] Adam: I’m all in on .ru these days.
[0:11:14 – 0:11:16] Adam: SnackTracks.yum.
[0:11:17 – 0:11:17] Erik: .yum.
[0:11:17 – 0:11:18] Adam: Now we’re talking.
[0:11:18 – 0:11:19] Adam: Episode 1.
[0:11:19 – 0:11:20] Adam: So thanks for being here.
[0:11:21 – 0:11:22] Adam: Tummel Home Express.
[0:11:23 – 0:11:34] Adam: If we had the Tummel Home Express little whistle, we agreed earlier when we were paddling around Trousers that we would be able to blow the little Tummel Home 2-2 whistle during any episode of SnackTracks.
[0:11:37 – 0:11:40] Adam: I guess Tomahawk Express was the predecessor to Snack Trax.
[0:11:40 – 0:11:42] Adam: It’s like our short form.
[0:11:42 – 0:11:42] Erik: Right.
[0:11:42 – 0:11:43] Adam: Right?
[0:11:43 – 0:11:43] Erik: Right.
[0:11:43 – 0:11:44] Erik: All right.
[0:11:44 – 0:11:46] Erik: I think we wouldn’t want to have that whistle out here.
[0:11:46 – 0:11:48] Erik: We might get the $110 noise ordinance citation.
[0:11:48 – 0:11:50] Erik: It’s only really $98.
[0:11:50 – 0:11:50] Erik: It’s…
[0:11:54 – 0:12:00] Erik: We could probably pull a little bit out of the Patreon fund for any kind of a citation that we incur on this trip.
[0:12:01 – 0:12:06] Adam: I thought that people were aware that we were using the Patreon fund as our legal defense fund, really.
[0:12:06 – 0:12:07] Adam: So we do end up…
[0:12:11 – 0:12:14] Adam: We have to render services from multiple attorneys in the course of a year.
[0:12:14 – 0:12:22] Adam: As barely famous podcasters, it’s obvious to anybody who knows what’s going on that you need good legal services in this day and age.
[0:12:23 – 0:12:33] Erik: Trevor’s back at home working furiously, filling out legalese forms, just in the known anticipation that we will come back embroiled in some kind of a lawsuit with the Canadian government.
[0:12:33 – 0:12:37] Erik: The Ministry of Natural Resources is coming for our asses.
[0:12:37 – 0:12:40] Adam: We’re going to try our best to be good, but you know…
[0:12:40 – 0:12:42] Adam: Americans feel so good to be bad, though.
[0:12:42 – 0:12:43] Adam: Gabagool.
[0:12:43 – 0:12:44] Adam: Gabagool.
[0:13:14 – 0:13:15] Adam: I’m in the middle of nowhere!
